Ten things I L-O-V-E right now:
1. Tofuti Cutie choclate "ice cream" sandwiches
2. My brand new old GAP pants (as in I bought a pair 3 or 4 years ago, wore them to hell and back, and then found them at the GAP again the other day)
3. Plain GU (the energy gel you eat when you're riding miles and miles)
4. Double IPA
5. My Morning Jacket .
6. 70 and sunny
7. My Crocs (I've had them for literally years and just recently started wearing them around- I get it now)
8. Riding my bike after a few beers (you get this crazy hill euphoria)
9. Ferris Bueller (Yeah, I bought it awhile back and can't stop watching it. Again.)
10. Singledom
Ten things I hate right now:
1. Microsoft Word
2. Not getting to bed til 11:30 (yes, totally my fault, but I just can't get myself ready before then)
3. Insecure girlfriends (as in I was supposed to have beers with N. tonight but it made Hallie "uncomfortable"- does anyone else see the irony in this?)
4. Tattling coworkers (especially when there's nothing to tattle about)
5. Dishes (they're waiting for me and I'm having the damnedest time getting myself over to the sink)
I could only think of five things I hate right now. That's good, yes? And really they're pretty innocuous.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Talk On Indolence
OK. So I borrowed that from an Avett Bros song. Off of Four Thieves Gone. Indolence is not a problem I have. Hardly. Maybe if I was more indolent I'd feel more rested. But the song has this great couple of lines that are really fun to sing out loud:
I'm aaaa
little
worried
bout what you'll think
when yyyoouuu
see me
in my
swimming trunks and
last night
New York
I got
raging drunk
remember
last night
I got
raging drunk with you.
Anyway. So yes. We all survived the set up and subsequent overreaction to having to let someone know you're not interested. After many reassurances that I probably didn't cause him suicidal thoughts or end his dating career due to a shattered ego I finally finally realized that sometimes people meet and they just don't feel it. Or one of them doesn't. I tend to fall hard and quickly and I never have to tell anyone no and so this was unfamiliar territory. But a good lesson. No more set ups. No more boys, really, for awhile. This brings to mind another Avett Bros song from the above album. Title escapes me. But it's a fun one to sing, too:
Now if I gathered up the damage
that I'd rendered in my life
placed it on a scale and weighed it
gainst the damage done that night
then it'd be safe to say the weight
of all I did and didn't do
would surely float against
the lightest wrong
I. Ever. Did. To. You.
Except that no wrong was done that afternoon. Still a good song.
On a different note, I suddenly find myself scheduling appointments with high school counselors and researching transitional housing for my young friend. She finds herself in a situation which makes it necessary for her to leave home. No one, no one, at the age of 17 should be trying to figure out how to afford an apartment and finish high school. She has, since the gitgo of our relationship, talked about being emancipated from her family. I have fought it every time it has come up, insisting to her that having free room and board makes most things bearable (barring abuse, of course). Unfortunately her home life has taken a turn for the worse and I now feel it is appropriate for her to leave and not look back. Here we go. If I had a two bedroom apartment I would invite her in in a heartbeat.
I have been incredibly upset about this. Tonight on the ride home I'd worked myself into a near frenzy wondering if I was doing the right thing in encouraging, helping, her to leave. Is living in transitional housing, or worse the YMCA shelter, better than what she has at home? I quailed. And in a moment of what is best described as desperation I called T. He faced a similar (though worse) situation as a teen and I needed to know what he would have wanted if he could have had control of the situation. Did he think it was going to be a party? Was he scared? How did he figure shit out? If he had had help available would he have taken it? And did he feel like what happened was in his best interest? It was affirming. I am doing the right thing. She needs to leave. And while I can't offer her a bed I can change into a more formal hat (think something big and red with a bird and some fruit versus the little green cycling cap I wear currently) and help her take control of her life.
And then T. and I talked for an hour. And this has always been the problem. Too much to say to one another. We could hardly shut up. I miss that. A quick phone call and 30 minutes later we were at the pub having a burger and talking about everything. Tonight it was my young friend, African orphans, gas prices, eating right, shows, the creative process, his struggles to get some recording done, my plans for school. Just on the phone. And not at the pub. Because 206 miles is a long way to go for a burger. This is where I make a confession. He mentioned he'd dated someone for a bit and I felt my heart squeeze harder. A rush of sadness or disappointment or jealousy or something. Even though I have talked often with myself about making sure I've slept with someone else before I see him again. And I think he could make a confession, too. I didn't want to say too much about my plans for school as one of my options is Portland. But I did tell him because that's the whole story. And I heard the optimism in his voice. Talking to him, though, reminded me of what the issues were. And so I feel nothing more than the sweet satisfaction of reconnecting with a friend.
One more Avett Bros song. "Shame" off of Emotionalism.
OK so I was wrong about
my reasons for us falling out
Love I want to fall back in.
My life is different now I swear
I know now what it means to care
about somebody other than myself.
I know the things I said to you
they were untender and untrue
I'd like to see those things undo...
Shame.
Boatloads of shame.
Day after day
More of the same
Blame
Please lift it off
Please take it off
Please make it stop.
Or at least it's just sweet satisfaction now.
I'm aaaa
little
worried
bout what you'll think
when yyyoouuu
see me
in my
swimming trunks and
last night
New York
I got
raging drunk
remember
last night
I got
raging drunk with you.
Anyway. So yes. We all survived the set up and subsequent overreaction to having to let someone know you're not interested. After many reassurances that I probably didn't cause him suicidal thoughts or end his dating career due to a shattered ego I finally finally realized that sometimes people meet and they just don't feel it. Or one of them doesn't. I tend to fall hard and quickly and I never have to tell anyone no and so this was unfamiliar territory. But a good lesson. No more set ups. No more boys, really, for awhile. This brings to mind another Avett Bros song from the above album. Title escapes me. But it's a fun one to sing, too:
Now if I gathered up the damage
that I'd rendered in my life
placed it on a scale and weighed it
gainst the damage done that night
then it'd be safe to say the weight
of all I did and didn't do
would surely float against
the lightest wrong
I. Ever. Did. To. You.
Except that no wrong was done that afternoon. Still a good song.
On a different note, I suddenly find myself scheduling appointments with high school counselors and researching transitional housing for my young friend. She finds herself in a situation which makes it necessary for her to leave home. No one, no one, at the age of 17 should be trying to figure out how to afford an apartment and finish high school. She has, since the gitgo of our relationship, talked about being emancipated from her family. I have fought it every time it has come up, insisting to her that having free room and board makes most things bearable (barring abuse, of course). Unfortunately her home life has taken a turn for the worse and I now feel it is appropriate for her to leave and not look back. Here we go. If I had a two bedroom apartment I would invite her in in a heartbeat.
I have been incredibly upset about this. Tonight on the ride home I'd worked myself into a near frenzy wondering if I was doing the right thing in encouraging, helping, her to leave. Is living in transitional housing, or worse the YMCA shelter, better than what she has at home? I quailed. And in a moment of what is best described as desperation I called T. He faced a similar (though worse) situation as a teen and I needed to know what he would have wanted if he could have had control of the situation. Did he think it was going to be a party? Was he scared? How did he figure shit out? If he had had help available would he have taken it? And did he feel like what happened was in his best interest? It was affirming. I am doing the right thing. She needs to leave. And while I can't offer her a bed I can change into a more formal hat (think something big and red with a bird and some fruit versus the little green cycling cap I wear currently) and help her take control of her life.
And then T. and I talked for an hour. And this has always been the problem. Too much to say to one another. We could hardly shut up. I miss that. A quick phone call and 30 minutes later we were at the pub having a burger and talking about everything. Tonight it was my young friend, African orphans, gas prices, eating right, shows, the creative process, his struggles to get some recording done, my plans for school. Just on the phone. And not at the pub. Because 206 miles is a long way to go for a burger. This is where I make a confession. He mentioned he'd dated someone for a bit and I felt my heart squeeze harder. A rush of sadness or disappointment or jealousy or something. Even though I have talked often with myself about making sure I've slept with someone else before I see him again. And I think he could make a confession, too. I didn't want to say too much about my plans for school as one of my options is Portland. But I did tell him because that's the whole story. And I heard the optimism in his voice. Talking to him, though, reminded me of what the issues were. And so I feel nothing more than the sweet satisfaction of reconnecting with a friend.
One more Avett Bros song. "Shame" off of Emotionalism.
OK so I was wrong about
my reasons for us falling out
Love I want to fall back in.
My life is different now I swear
I know now what it means to care
about somebody other than myself.
I know the things I said to you
they were untender and untrue
I'd like to see those things undo...
Shame.
Boatloads of shame.
Day after day
More of the same
Blame
Please lift it off
Please take it off
Please make it stop.
Or at least it's just sweet satisfaction now.
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